Old friends

Have you ever opened a drawer in the old bedroom you used to live in as a child and found some letters you exchanged with friends you had when growing up? The cringing feeling of seeing yourself through the decades and not recognizing the same person… did I really say those things, did I really have those feelings?

A gallery returned some unsold items from 2007. I was full of trepidation, almost fear of what I would feel to see these old pieces.
When they finally arrived I felt very unsettled for the rest of the day. I was hoping to notice how “bad” they were compared to what I make now. I feel in a very different place of my artistic journey now, 8 years down the line in my professional career. These pieces were from my degree show and were the best I made then. I was surprised by how neat and well made they were! This did not make me feel happy or relieved, on the contrary, it left me unsettled as if I have lost some of that crisp lines and accuracy of technique I had then. Some of them, in particular a cappuccino cup, were strangely more “right” than anything I make now, and I am trying to understand what this “rightness” is.
The sensation was so strong I could not keep these pots, I had to give them away or hide them at the back of the shed where I will not see them, and in the mean time I am left with the thought of what was it they had that upset me so much…